ikhlas :)

Ikhlas. A word that’s always easier to be said than done.

Semalem baca blog orang yang nge-link ke blog orang lain. I don’t want to tell what is the content, but sure it’s a very heartbreaking thing to read. Di satu sisi, I do understand how the writer feels, karena gue pernah ada di posisi yang mirip sama dia. Beda sudut pandang but I’ve experienced the same frustration, the same anger, and the same pain. As if the world’s turning upside down like a table flip 9gag meme in front of me. I was in elementary school back then, so it wasn’t a nice thing to feel.

Dan sekarang, di usia nyaris 24 tahun ini, bukannya mah tambah pinter buat ikhlas, kok ya berat amat buat bisa ikhlas. Again, it’s an easier-to-be-said-than-done thingy. Tapi harusnya gak jadi pembenaran juga kan ya..😀 *nyengir malu*

To be honest, I have maybe a thousand “why” questions I would like to ask my dear God above. Things happened in my life and things that are surrounding me. Hal2 yang bikin gue frustrasi, hal2 yang gue-gak-tau-apa-maunya-Tuhan-sih, dan hal2 yang I just desperately need the answer or the clue. Iya, di surat Ar-Rahman pun ditulis bolak-balik “Nikmat Tuhan-mu yang manakah yang kau dustakan?” Harusnya ini bisa jadi pedoman buat ikhlas. Tapi lagi2, I seem to find some reasons to deny it. Berbagai “tapi kan” dan sederetan argumen2 sampah lainnya. Intinya, mencari pembenaran terhadap sikap susah ikhlasnya gue.

Padahal kalau mau dilihat2, ya kurang apa sih hidup gue? I have a job, I’m pursuing my master degree, I have the most supporting family, I have an annoyingly ‘cute’ boyfriend, I have a sort-of-mine mixed golden retriever that does silly things to light up my day, I have AGENT, I have *insya Allah* the most loving and comforting future families. What can I ask for more?

Mungkin memang takdirnya manusia untuk gak pernah puas jadinya susah ikhlas menerima kondisi hidupnya. Dicoba dikit sama Tuhan terus mewek, terus mau mati aja *ngomong sama kaca*. Padahal katanya kan Tuhan itu ngasih cobaan buat orang2 yang Dia sayang. Harusnya seneng dong disayang sama Tuhan secara nyata dan eksplisit?

Tapi balik lageeeee susah bersikap nrimo dan inggih2 aja sama kehendak Tuhan. Gak bisa langsung sadar bahwa oh ini bukti kasih sayang-Nya, dll dsb dkk. Butuh banget ditampar buat akhirnya bisa nerima kondisi kita. Itupun gak jaminan abis itu langsung beriman khusyuk jadi makhluk baik2 mati masuk surga. Pasti akan melenceng2 lagi. Ditampar2 lagi. Tobat2 lagi. Belajar ikhlas lagi. Gitu aja rauwisuwis. *sigh*

Oh well, the thing is, gue berasa ditampar kanan-kiri semalem pas baca tulisan yang gue baca itu. Again, I have been reminded to stay calm and accept whatever it is happening into my life. And to stop being so ambitious and overly obsessive-compulsive over small things. Dan di 23 hari terakhir gue berusia 23 tahun, lagi2 gue diingatkan untuk menata hati, pikiran, dan hidup supaya usia gue yang sekarang ini gak gue lewatkan dengan sia2.

We do learned something in this life. I just happened to learn it the hard way.🙂

*sigh* I won’t say nice things or preach about ‘ikhlas’, karena gue tau sesusah apa rasanya berusaha ikhlas dan lagian kan kondisi orang gak sama. I just hope that eventually, in the end, kalian bisa mengikhlaskan apa yang ada dalam hidup, apa yang pergi, apa yang hilang, dan apa yang akan datang.

Have a good day, friends..😉

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