Tonight, as I turned off the air con and sit on the window’s frame, I flashed through the old days.
I changed a lot in one year. Some got better, some got worse.
It feels like yesterday. I sit here on the phone with him while harming my own self.
It feels like yesterday. My heart fluttered over late night chat at Y!M during Ramadhan.
It feels like yesterday. I didn’t sleep for 3 days straight because a boy cheated on me.
It feels like yesterday. I had my first boyfriend. LDR at the same time.
It feels like yesterday. I drank my first wine and beer.
Sometimes, I really miss who I was.
Most of the times, I just want to go somewhere, leaving no traces of me behind.
I do feel so messed up right now.
Afraid of the future, perhaps.
And I feel so lonely.
I rarely meet my friends. I often go straight home after work.
When I accidentally met them today, uh oh. I felt like being rejected. Dunno what happened with them. I hope it’s just the final ass thingy. Am too afraid and worry to ask. My head was spinning quite hard and I’m no ready for a bad news.
Things do change rapidly these days.
And still, I’m afraid..😦
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